Ultimate Shrek is Love Shrek is Life Sequel
by ChristianMinecrafter1212
Summary: The Sequal to Shrek is Love Shrek is Life definitely canon.


Timoteo walks into the room, all lights are off but one single bulb, under which Eric stands.

T: We meet again, mi amigo.

E: Que? We are no longer friends, after you betrayed my trust.

T: I told you, i'm not the one who ate your slice of pie!

E: I know it was you, you coward. How dare you show your face to me after that.

T: I think I know what this is about, Andres chose me over you, and you can't live with that.

E: Andres and i were to be married and you stole him from me, you are no amigo, your are el diablo.

T: Don't say that (pitches tent) come back to me.

E: how did you pitch a tent that fast?

T: Years of practice with Andres.

E: You mock me. So help me I will draw you with the might of all the gods, and you will emerge as a mere doodle.

T: No, I have a confession… I left Andres for you, you are my one true amigo. Now come to me, and fist me as you did all those years ago.

E: ( Also pitches tent) I've had practise pitching tents too…

T: It's okay, we have socks on, it's not gay.

(Shrek enters the room through a wall with donkey at his side.)

S: It's all ogre now.

Shrek unsheathes his massive penises and whips them around, both its heads hitting things lying about in the room. Yes i said penises, he has two.

D: That's actually why Fiona left him, so a boy began to worship him, as depicted in "Shrek is Love Shrek is Life". That boy was Andres.

Andres runs into the room.

A: Timoteo! Eric! He is not the real Shrek! He's actually Rasputin in disguise. The real Shrek is still in the Swamp, I know the real Shrek when i see him.

D & S simultaneously: You fools! You know my secret but you cannot stop me now! Once I grow my third penis I'll be unstoppable! (Donkey and Shrek merge to form one large Russian Holy Man)

A, E and T all run into the dark library down the hall.

R: YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!

Chapter 2

A: I got here in the nick of time, we have to find the Black Bibble, the darkest of all grimoirs if we want to destroy Rasputin. His love making is beyond mortal capabilities.

E: If we can get shrek's blessing we can just destroy him with onions, right?

T: You don't understand, he's almost as powerful as shrek himself, shrek's blessing will do nothing. We must find where he draws his power from and destroy it.

A: (looking through library catalogues) HERE! The Black Bibble. (reads)

T: It says here that Shrek was the last being to check this book out. He must've still been in disguise.

E: If he's checked out the black bibble, then he knows god's real name, why doesn't he use the ultimate curse and reverse the creation?

T: What?

E: In the beginning of time when god created the world he said his name. If you say it backwards it reverses all of creation. It destroys the world. If thats not what he wanted, whats he after?

A: Something worse. He doesn't wish to destroy the world, he wants to take it over.

T: (Takes Bibble) It says here that since no one can acheive the level of girth god has, to become as powerful as god, you must grow more penises to compensate. That must be what Rasputin's after. With his girth levels, all he would need is three penises. And he already has two!

E: There's only two ways of growing more penises; shrek giving you more layers, or stealing the layers of a holy knight of Shrek.

T: Well, let's just ask shrek to give us more holy layers so we'll be strong enough to defeat Rasputin.

A: I've already tried. Rasputin is using his girth levels to block our communication with god.

T: Okay, well I doubt there are any Holy Knights of Shrek around here, and there's no way God will give him more layers. So why is he here instead of searching Holy Knights of Shrek?

A: There's something I haven't told you both… When I was a child, I had many encounters with Shrek, after my rectum was filled by him I became a Holy Knight, and my anus was blessed with the power of Knighting others. When another enters my anus they are made Holy Knights. You are both blessed with the Layers of a Holy Knight, and the only way Rasputin can take them is if he kills you. So if he kills even one of us he will be shrek's equal and battle him, we cannot take the chance of shrek losing.

T & E: Whoa

A: We have little time, we must find where he draws his power.

T: Here! It says in the book if a song is written about one, he can gain temporary layers. That's how he got his second penis, but the catch is if the song is sung by a group of Powerful Holy Knights, their voices can destroy the one who the song is written about.

E: What if we don't have enough layers? If he beats shrek, what will happen?

A: Let's just say, saying god's name backwards would be better for the world.

E: (sits and thinks quietly)

(The fairy godmother and Prince Charming blast a hole in the wall.)

F: We meet again Andrew. And now Shrek isn't here to save you.

P: No anus is safe now, I've stolen enough layers to finally be back to my full power!

A: (Andrews eyes grow wide in fear as he remembers that day, but he steels himself and grins) You may have defeated me then, but now I have the Layers of a Holy Knight, too.

E: We can help you Andrew…

A: No, you two take the fairy, I've got Prince Faggot.

(The battle ensues, and in the end, Prince Charming and the fairy godmother lie dead once more. The trio limps away, their layers damaged.)

(A glow fills the room, and they cover their eyes as the presence of Shrek fills the room)

A: Milord (He kneels, and gets on hands and knees, the others do likewise.)

S: You do well to present yourself, I will accept your offering.

(One after the other he fills their anuses with his girthy ogre penis, restoring their layers and making them pure once again.)

S:I cannot help you with this battle, I used almost all of my layers on these gifts I've given you. I must go to my swamp to regain them. Go my knights, and defeat the Lover of the Russian Queen. (begins to rise through the ceiling)

A: Wait my Lord! What is the Unholy song Rasputin gains his power from?

S: It's literally Rasputin, you troglodyte. (disappears in an explosion.)

(Rasputin bursts through the wall)

R: I can smell his holiness from here! Give me your holy layers!

E: We must sing the song to stop him!

All three of them: RA RA RASPUTIN, RUSSIA'S HOLY LOVE MACHINE! THERE WAS A CAT THAT REALLY WAS GONE! RA RA RASPUTIN, LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN!

R:NO! STOP! NOOOOOO!

(Rasputin explodes and the trio rejoices)

T: We did it, I thought we weren't gonna be strong enough!

E: Thank god, because if we didn't win, I was gonna say shrek backwards. That was the last resort for saving the world.

A: So what do we do now?

All: … (Orgy begins, including the whole cast of shrek, Howie Mandel and the trio)

R: (near death) KERHS!

(World dies)

THE END

"...shrek…..."

And the began anew…..


End file.
